some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
