Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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