hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We are two peas in an std pod
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
