I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
