he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
