best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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