Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
