How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
