these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
