Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
