i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
