I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
