My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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