youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
