Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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