is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
