I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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