Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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