ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
