YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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