sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
