You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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