i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
