just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
accomplished twins. life is a go
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
