Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
