I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize