Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
