just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
