Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
