Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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