is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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