when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
