His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
