I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
