The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
As shirtless as possible
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
