I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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