Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
