I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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