Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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