I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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