An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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