You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize