My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
