That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
