I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
