Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
