Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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