Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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