Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My pussy is not your playground.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
