Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I can't turn off my feet"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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