I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
