yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
