This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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