pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Panties = found
Randomize
