i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
