My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
As shirtless as possible
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
