my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
