i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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