I wish I could teleport
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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