Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
