i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
