i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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