I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
