dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
