im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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