Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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