i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
