sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
What a dumb baby whore.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
