Got a toothbrush?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
