We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
