Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
